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Offline Beardicus

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Funny story
« on: December 24, 2009, 11:58:51 PM »
 
A DEA agent, together with an ATF and an FBI agent as part of a task force, arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska.

The agents tell the rancher, "We need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The DEA agent verbally explodes saying, "Mister, we have the authority of the Federal Government with us."

Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly displays it to the farmer.

"See this badge? This badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running for their lives and close behind is the rancher's bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.

The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs...

"Your badges! Show him your badges!"

Offline Beardicus

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Re: Funny story
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2009, 12:48:05 AM »
Another






 
Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really angry.

She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds.

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday.

Offline Swayhaven

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Re: Funny story
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2009, 12:36:27 PM »
Another






 
Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really angry.

She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds.

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday.
Heh, that's great.
I have the perfect body. (But it's in the trunk and starting to stink.)

Offline Beardicus

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Re: Funny story
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2010, 04:18:09 PM »
MIAMI (Reuters) A Florida man has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for trying to break back into the jail where he had been held following his conviction in a manslaughter case, local media reported on Wednesday.

A judge sentenced Sylvester Jiles, 25, to the maximum 15-year penalty on Monday after his conviction earlier this year for the attempted break-in at the Brevard County Detention Center, the Florida Today newspaper said.

He apparently feared violent reprisals from family members of the manslaughter victim and suffered severe cuts when he tried scaling a 12-foot-high (3.65-meter) barbed wire fence to break into the jail.

The newspaper said Jiles had been released on probation from the jail a week before he tried to force his way back inside.

Offline Swayhaven

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Re: Funny story
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2010, 09:53:53 AM »
One guy once raped a prostitute.
He was charged for theft.
I have the perfect body. (But it's in the trunk and starting to stink.)